ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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