She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
