How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
