it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
