This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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