She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
