..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
