I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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