i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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