and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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