K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
