i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
