PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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