When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
