Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
