New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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