He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
