i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
