Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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