the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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