You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
