been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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