Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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