My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
