i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
