trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
