i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Randomize
