i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
