I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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