In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
