I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
