I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
