If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
