Need sex. Gaining weight.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
