Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
