Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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