Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
