How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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