the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
