Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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