Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
