it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
