screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
