like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
