is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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