Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
