Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
