Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
