Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
