apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
