My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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