turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
