smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My ass is underappreciated
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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