Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
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