it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
