like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
