Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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