Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
