My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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