Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
