Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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