Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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