Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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