I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
