Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize