DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
