whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
