she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
