this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
there is glitter all over my balls
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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