I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
