well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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