You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
