You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
