official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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