The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
