so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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