The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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