Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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