when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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